Tuesday, August 12, 2014

2 #MonsterDongs = 2 gratuitous pics



A little backside story for you.. years ago, I started playing kickball, as a side game from softball. At the time, I didn't know many people in the league. Fast forward a season and me getting asked out by another player. The story goes as such: he asked me out, I said yes, and he goes back to the table he was sitting with. He told them "K just said that she'd go on a date with me." They all responded "Who?" He pointed me out at my team's table and they all said "Ohhhh.....you mean The Ass."


Years later and now friends with those guys, I've come find out that prior to knowing me or my name, they referred to me as The Ass. Why? Take a wild guess, geniuses.


It's a nickname I've proudly carried since I've found out.


That brings me to the point of this post: what kind of ass are you?


I sent this link to one of my friends, one of the culprits of nicknaming me, and asked "So which one am I?"



(Let us know, readers. What kind are you?)


His reply inspired me write this post: None of the above, in a class by itself. “The Kate” aka “The Ass”  (See why I love him?) followed by Btw, your beloved Stanton will be in a Red Sox uniform soon enough. (See why I hate him?)


Oh wait, you want pictorial proof of my best asset, you say?!


This happened at last year's Summer Spree party. My buddy Ash + booze + my ass + a wooden spoon =






And since this blog is about boobies, here's a picture from this year's Summer Spree, which was this past weekend:







You're welcome.


I guess I have to write something related to GiancarloMichaelCruzStanton because that's the point of the blog, right?


I now have 2 people who refer to Stanton hitting a HR as a #MonsterDong. Slowly but surely, I am converting people.


Speaking of the number 2…..hello!! Did you see those beauties? What about that diving catch? Hotdamn his ass looked good when he did that…our boy has one hellava ass on himself, in case you hadn’t noticed.


Gary Sheffield holds the club record at 42 for a single season batting, and if our boy keeps his hits up, he has a good shot of blasting past Gary before our season ends. We have 9 games left, and he needs 12 more to hold the record. Do you think he can do it? I do!

Let’s all ignore the trade rumors and enjoy this man while we can (which hopefully, will be for a very long time). Please dearlordinheavenalmighty don’t let him leave us.

I've decided that for every #MonsterDong hit for the rest of the season, I will post of picture for you, similar in nature to the ones above. If that's not a reason to cheer Stanton on, I don't know what is.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

2 walks: a comparison to my Lady Parts

My day was made yesterday when I saw my buddy Jeff, who jumped up and ran over to me to hug me and tell me how much he is enjoying my posts. (I am glad someone is!) Seeing as each post has had a shake down on someone, he commented that he loved how “brutal and amazing your comments are, because they are just like you: brutal and amazing.” We had several good laughs and it encouraged me to keep this up. Thanks dude, I love you for our great chat last night, and I promise to keep trying to make you laugh.


That being said, @Project_305 deserves a shout out for making post suggestions, one of which I will reference now: being a clutch fangirl. I laughed and appreciated it when he said it, and now I am really going to earn that title.


I am pretty sure that Jared Hughes intentionally walked twice Stanton last night. Unlike my Lady Parts, I am assuming that he is scared of Stanton’s #MonsterDong.


Now, I know that walking certain batters is a strategic move at times, but damn son, twice in one game? Unfortunately, I only saw the last few innings, so I don’t know what you were throwing him for the 2 hits he got otherwise. I really want to call you a Butt Pirate for that, but I am of the mindset that using anything that’s a slur towards my friends in the gay community is wrong. So instead, I will just say you are a Lady Parts, and that it’s a shame your pitching isn’t as tight as I am.


What I do know is that you made the bats come alive after that last walk, and as we cycled through the 4 pitchers in the 8th and knocked in all those runs, Stanton got hungry for some *Pimentel Loaf. Unfortunately, he tried to gobble those pitches up and struck out swinging. Even though it upset me to see that, it’s ok, I would still let him pickle my loaf.

(*See what I did there? For the record, I think Pimento Loaf is gross and if you eat, please don’t eat it around me.)



Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Trade Deadline Day, Redmond's Ejection and #MonsterDongs

Trade Deadline Day, Redmond's Ejection and #MonsterDongs

The only thing I really have to say about yesterday is THANKYOUSWEETBABYJESUS! Stanton is still a Marlin.
You all already know about all the trades and you don't nee me to reiterate what happened. That's not what this blog is about, anyway. it's about stickfigure drawings, bad photoshop, strip clubs, and now my rack references.

Moving on to Redmond's ejection. Unfortunately, I was working, so I didn't get to see it happen live, but thanks to the interwebs I got to watch it a few times this morning. Kudos to Mikeyboy for standing his ground and calling the objection for what is was: BS. Homeboy even kicked his hat. If that's not passion, I don't know what is. That's some love right there, folks. Our owner may blow but our manager doesn't.

I am bummed I didn't even know about it until today because I was working. My friend, knowing I was working, text me "Stanton just crushed a monster dong..Giancarlomicheal" but didn't tell me about the ejection. He's only half trained... I'll get him there.
Just kidding dude, thank you for letting me know about the #MonsterDong. I owe ya one for that. But please start typing it correctly, it's #MonsterDong not monster dong. Thank you!

Speaking of ejections, I had a fun incident to deal with in a coed rec softball league last night. There's nothing more aggravating than dealing with an ump on a power trip. I was filling in as the at field coordinator for the night, and in all the years I've played and for the short time that I've worked for the league, I have never dealt with such a bad attitude person. That sh*t takes all the fun out of playing. The poor player involved in the incident with the ump took it like a champ though. I have to hand it to him. I'd be banned for life it I were him.

That reminds me, I adidn't update y'all about Monday. I am back playing softball after a hiatus, and although I didn't crush a #MonsterDong myself, but I did have a few good knocks. It felt so good to have a glove on my hand again, though!




Monday, July 28, 2014

Putting my $ where my mouth is

As I read blogs and listen to people ramble away about various and sundry things regarding the game of baseball, I wonder how many of these people have actually played the great sport.

Nothing drives me crazier (and I am already crazy to begin with) than armchair quarterbacks, or in this case, armchair pitchers, droning on about a sport they've never played. That being said, you will never hear me talking about lacrosse or tennis, the two sports I don't think I've ever played, even as a kid. I've been a gymnast, I've played rugby, and even played flag football for my PE credit in college. I've ran, I've swam, and I am a championship winning kickball player.

Tonight, I am putting my money where my mouth is, and picking up my old trusty, a worn and much loved Rawlings glove and my bright purple bat that's covered in dings. Hopefully, I will make Stanton proud and hit a #monsterdong for him.

If I do, who is taking me to a strip club?!?

Wish me luck!

Friday, July 25, 2014

Woman Scorned: A letter to Ken Rosenthal

Dearest Ken,



In regards to your "FREE GIANCARLO STANTON" post yesterday: 

Way to point out everything we already know about Loria and how our team operates. Don't you have anything original or groundbreaking to tell us?

You call yourself a professional, why not report on something that's not already common knowledge?
Good job on doing nothing more than fanning the flames.

Lame.

Take that bowtie and shove it up your ass. I like to wear them too, but they sure as shit look better sitting above my supple rack versus on your pale, old man turkey neck. Here's a bit of pictorial evidence to back up my claim:

bowtie.jpg

Speaking of old news, much like you are "reporting"...  that's what you just proved yourself to be.

Move over. Its time for the new hotness.

Take note, @FoxSportsFlorida.

Warmest regards,

Kate

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Bigfoot has a #MonsterDong

How many names does this guy have?!?

I learned today that he is called Bigfoot by the other players.  

After knowing this, does anyone else think about the saying about the correlation between a man’s shoe size and the size of his junk?

Maybe that’s why we say he hits such #MonsterDongs.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

KMT and SCwS: first post!

It’s been almost a year since the blog was updated. A ton has changed since then, but the one thing that thankfully remains the same is that Stanton is still a Marlin. The same can’t be said about Morrison, but he wasn’t a fan of the blog so f*ck ‘em. Anyway, back to what’s changed since then: Blogger BoobiesNStanton got married. Congrats, dude! I hope you knew you were trading in your bats and balls for a ball and chain, and that you are only going to see the same PINK PONY from here on out. I didn’t though, so all you single boys out there can breathe a sigh of relief. You still have time! The most that’s changed with me is my hair. Not very exciting, I know. Moving on…As for the Marlins, we thankfully didn't have another godawful re-branding but we switched our roster up again, making us almost unrecognizable from this time last year.

Some things remain the same, such as still wanting to go to a strip club with Stanton, the Marlins are still owned by the devil reincarnated, the one and thankgodforhimbeingthe only Jeff Loria, and we switched up our roster again, making us almost unrecognizable from this time last year. Yes, I know that’s a repeat from above but it happens every year, thus making it a dual purpose statement. Don’t talk back to me! Shut your mouth a keep reading. You have to, Stanton would want you to. Plus, I have a nice rack, and per BoobiesNStanton, I will do a great job keeping up the blog because “No blogger with boobs has ever failed.” So, that being said, here I go, taking my proverbial twirl around the blogging pole, hoping for pure GOLD CLUB.

Wanting to write for a blog has been something I’ve been thinking about for a while but I never took a swing at it, mainly out of laziness. However, this past weekend, I was chatting it up with a very cute guy at the Rowdies soccer game, and he asked me if I was a writer. I said no, not really, although I had considered myself one in my younger years. I asked him why he thought that and he replied “It’s the way you talk about and describe things. You should write, and you should focus on sports because you go to so many sporting events.” (True story. I am constantly at games of some sort. Between my rec league kickball and softball teams, I was at a 2 baseball games (1 Rays, 1 Threshers), 2 soccer games (Rowdies), and a Mud Wars event within the span of 7 days. Yeah, I stay busy.) Anyway, I told that story to the genius who started this beloved blog, and he graciously offered to transfer it to me. I ecstatically accepted, and here I am, me and my rack, posting my first blog.


To introduce myself, I thought it would be nice to do a little look back at my history and involvement with #SCWS. I started following the blog pretty soon after it was started. I thought the name was hysterical, and that the posts were even funnier than the name. I replied to and retweeted every time I saw a new post. I hoped that one day, he would be rewarded with trip to a strip club with GiancarloCruzMichalStanton, and that I could join that magical 2001 SPACE ODYSSEY journey, if an invite if it ever happened.

I offered to live tweet my shenanigans at any of the Rays v Marlins games I went to. (I live in Tampa now and screw you, yes I cheer for the Rays too. I can't help it, I am a baseball fan and have to go to games. My soul would suffer if I didn't. I grew up going to lordonlyknows how many Marlins games, and its ingrained in me to go. Plus, their owner actually gives a ---- about his team, unlike Loria. It's a refreshing change.) 

Here are some highlights of those games.

Me inviting Stanton to a Tampa area strip club. I even offered to let him pick which one we went to--even though my kickball team at the time was sponsored by a SCORES Tampa . Sadly, he never responded.



NEW BALL!!!!!!



I wear that ring on the finger for a reason.



We called this game the #seafoodbattle game.



Me, sitting on my friend's head. Because why not?


YEAH, I AM A.....



OLD SKOOL Yo!



This last one is not Marlins or SCwS related, but consider it a bonus because boobs are being shown.



I hope you had as much fun reading this post as I did writing it. I promise to be as irreverent and rude as possible in future posts, and to keep in line with the spirit of the blog's theme and style thus far.

Ohhhhh , one last thing: the #Rack Reference contest.

No one correctly guess the number of times I would reference my rack in this post so the winner is...... no one. Well, one person who guessed has seen it plenty in person, so I guess he is the winner, lucky him.