Tuesday, April 19, 2011

EVERYTHING GOING ALRIGHT? GOOD! HERE COME THE PIRATES TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP.



You should be feeling pretty jacked about your Florida Marlins right now. An 8-6 record, second place in the division, and they didn't get completely dominated by the Phillies. All of this with Mike Stanton and Hanley Ramirez contributing barely anything to the cause? Get excited, Miami!

Okay, you done screaming like a woman yet? Good, because these next three games are going to test the limits of your sanity.

I've been a Marlins fan for a while now, but I've been a sports fan even longer. And if there's anything I've learned about sports, it's that your team will win when you don't expect them to win and lose when they have absolutely no business losing. Experts usually call it a letdown game, but that's only because there's no way to properly explain it. The reality is, it isn't a letdown; your team plays just as hard as always. The problem is that sports, for the most part, are random. And sometimes – even though it feels like every fucking time – "random" means you're going to lose to a shitty pitcher in his first Major League start or a journeyman third baseman will hit for the cycle. Them's the breaks, kids.

Why am I telling you this? So that you don't lose your shit and jump off a roof when Josh Johnson can't make it out of the third inning and the Marlins wind up getting swept by the Pirates this week. (Besides, the Pirates aren't half bad this year.*)


*Give it a month or so.

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