Monday, April 25, 2011


So, Anibal Sanchez did this. And then Josh Johnson did this. And Mike Stanton did this. And the Marlins took two out of three (again) from the Rockies. But, none of that is important, because Charlie Sheen was at the game on Sunday and that means that I get to use my crappy little Marlins blog to say what's been on my mind for the last month...

Fuck you, Charlie Sheen. Judging by your bazillion Twitter followers, I can only assume that you're a fascinating person, but I just don't get it. You beat women, make shitty movies and, as much as I love Two and a Half Men, you're like the fourth funniest person on your own TV show. The fat kid, the stalker girl, the dorky brother? All funnier than you. In fact, if they decided to continue the show without you, I don't think I'd even notice.

Seriously, this was all cute and shit when we all thought you were going to die in an alley somewhere, but now it's just fucking sad. Tiger blood? Adonis DNA? WINNING? What the fuck, dude? You know when it's cool to make up phrases and yell out random shit in public? When you're seven. Or when you're autistic. Or when you have a severe case of Tourette's. When you're just a 45-year old run-of-the-mill white guy, though, that shit's just fucking pathetic. Fuck, I hate you so fucking much.

So, sure, thanks for coming out and enjoying a Marlins game. I hope you had a good time. But, I also hope I never have to see or hear about you ever again because your shtick has gotten old and you represent everything that's wrong with this comical society we live in. Please, just go back to snorting lines of coke off the ass of random hookers until your lifeless body turns up in a dumpster in some sketchy part of LA.

And Logan, wash your arm and burn that shirt before some new strain of syphilis crawls out of your washing machine and attaches itself to your crotch.

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