Wednesday, April 6, 2011

LETTERS TO EDWIN



Dear Edwin,

Can we please not bunt the fastest man in baseball over to second base when there's another perfectly acceptable way to get him there? I understand that your pitcher is up, and that you're not expecting him to do anything other than lay down a bunt to advance a runner and not hit into a double play, but it's Emilio Bonifacio on first base. He's good at only one thing – RUNNING REALLY FAST – and you won't even let him do that!

Let's assume that inning plays out exactly the same way, only instead of bunting Bonifacio over to second, you let him steal and then bunt him over to third. Now, it's one out with a man on third. Coghlan lines a shot to center field, and you know what happens next? Speedy McFuckface tags from third and the game is tied.

No, instead, you wasted Anibal Sanchez's bunt on moving – and again, this can't be emphasized enough – THE FASTEST MAN IN BASEBALL into a position he would've been in had you just let him do what he's good at from the beginning. You rendered Coghlan's fly ball fucking meaningless. Good call. Excellent job outta you in that spot.

I beg of you, we all beg of you, if you're going to insist on subjecting us to Emilio Bonifacio on a nightly basis, at least have the fucking decency to use him correctly.

Sincerely,
Strip Club With Stanton

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