Monday, April 4, 2011


I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you how I feel about baseball.

Individual series series mean nothing. Individual games mean even less. And individual games during a series in the first week of the season mean absolutely fucking nothing. So, losing two out of three to the godawful Mets doesn't bother me nearly as much as it does some of you. In fact, let's clear some shit up before we move along to the Nationals series on Tuesday.

Don't worry about...

That 1-2 record. Boston and Tampa are both 0-3. Baltimore is 3-0. Pittsburgh is 2-1. There's a good chance that some of those numbers might change over the next 159 games or so. Just a hunch.

Be worried about...

Mike Stanton's injuries. Two random injuries now, one during spring training and one on opening day, that would seem to be completely unrelated, normally wouldn't make me worry. But, deep down, I've got this bad feeling that this is going to be a common thing, these random injuries. Like, when he finally comes back, a bird will shit in his eye and he'll go blind for a month. Or he'll accidentally trip over his own massive cock when stepping out of the shower one day. It's a South Florida Mike thing.

Javy Vazquez. The one thing to worry about with Vazquez is whether you're going to get last year's crappy pin-striped Vazquez or the one that shoved his foot directly up batters' asses in Atlanta in '09. It's only been one outing, but seven outs, two homers and five walks doesn't exactly inspire much confidence. Still, it's just one start and doesn't need to be over-analyzed. But, holy fuck, he was bad.

Be terrified of...

Emilio Bonifacio. After losing out on the starting job, it took him just one game to figure out a way to get himself back in the lineup, and two games to figure out a way to fuck everything up. The mother fucker will stop at nothing to destroy this team. I'm convinced.

Photo of the Series



Ladies and gentlemen, the faces of your franchise!


  1. Shit reminds me of Wayne's World.

    "UNECESSARY CLOSE-UP! Whoooooaaa!"

    Emilio & Javy...FTW!

    Should this blog change to "ER with Stanton" perhaps? I'm just sayin...

  2. >>Should this blog change to "ER with Stanton" perhaps? I'm just sayin...

    "I Want To Go On The Disabled List With Mike Stanton" does have a nice ring to it. I'll have my marketing people look into it.