Wednesday, July 6, 2011


Having come to terms with the sobering realization that this year's playoffs are nothing more than a fantasy, the Marlins have now focused their efforts on winning the 2006 World Series.

Frustrated with the recently-demoted Chris Coghlan and disappointed in the parade of mediocrity that has patrolled center field since, the Marlins sent either _____________ or $$$$$$ to the Boston Red Sox for Mike Cameron, a free Panic! at the Disco iTunes download, and a copy of Windows Vista. Clearly, the Red Sox were on the better end of this deal.

Not sure what to think of this trade or Mike Cameron, in general? Here are some decidedly sexy quotes to help tickle your g-spot...

Clark Spencer:
Though he’s 38 and has not played full-time in two years, the Marlins are hoping Mike Cameron can still help the team with his glove, bat and veteran leadership.

David Villavicencio:
While Cameron has not been an everyday player since 2009, the Marlins have not ruled out the possibility of making him their starting center fielder. Cameron's role has yet to be defined, but it seems like he will get an opportunity to get significant playing time.

Jim Bowden:
Do the Marlins think that Cameron will all of a sudden rejuvenate his career and pull a Lance Berkman? Of course not. Do they think he’ll rebound and start playing like the Cameron of 2006-2009? Nope. Do they think he’s any better than the players on their present roster? Doubt it.

Peter Abraham:
Cameron also has experience with Marlins manager Jack McKeon, having played for him in 1999 in Cincinnati.

Listen, I understand that the Marlins surrendered nothing in this trade, but anytime your option was the Mets option – SEVEN YEARS AGO! – you leave yourself open to criticism. Although, this does leave the door open for a Mo Vaughn comeback, so we've got that going for us, which is nice.

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