Wednesday, September 21, 2011
KILL IT!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
According to leaked images, message boards, anonymous sources and multiple rabid ferrets, that horrendous thing you see above is your Miami Marlins new logo. Well, something like that, anyway. Last night, exceptional Marlins blogger and man I once awkwardly watched a baseball game with, Ted Hill, sent the Twittersphere into a frenzy by releasing this into wild:
Then Twitter went crazy and sports blogs picked it up and everyone wound up forgetting that last night saw Darth Fucking Vader throw out the first pitch. Happy now, Ted?
More importantly, though, and this is not to be taken lightly, this logo might be the worst fucking thing in the history of fucking things. And I don't say this as a Marlins fan who values history and tradition and bitches about every little change a team makes. No, I say this as an art director who pays his rent and his car payments and his utility bills with the paychecks his company hands him twice a month for -- you guessed it -- DESIGNING LOGOS.
That abomination of a logo you see up there? That's either the handywork of someone who picked up Adobe Illustrator for the first time yesterday, or it's what happens when a self-important art-douche tries his hand at sports logos.
Logos of professional baseball teams are supposed to look classic and timeless, like the Yankees or the Cardinals. They aren't supposed to look like futuristic cartoon birds or letters from a cheesy Mexican restaurant's menu. And they certainly aren't supposed to look like Romero Brito masturbated all over your favorite player's uniform! This thing is awful on top of awful on top of awful. It's a fucking joke.
I hope that, for their sake, the Marlins marketing department is checking Twitter. I hope they're witnessing the shit-storm that's coming their way if this is, in fact, the logo of your Miami Marlins. More than anything, though, I hope that this was just some sick and twisted joke and that the real logo the team is going to unveil next month looks like something that was designed by a person with eyes. Fully-functioning eyes. Eyes that would look at this hideous thing and have a fucking seizure.