Wednesday, December 7, 2011


SCWS News has learned that, in a meeting with David Samson, Jeffrey Loria and Larry Beinfest late last night, Hanley Ramirez has expressed his displeasure and frustration with the team's recent decisions and has ultimately demanded a trade.

"Pizza, bro? Why they no order Chineeee?" he told SCWS News, referring to the organization's dinner choice at the late night meeting. "Nobody eh wanna eat eh sheese an oils dees late en la noche. Come on, main. Trade dees stuff to de ah Orioles for dey spreeng rolls an eh booket of pork lo mein, joo know?"

A distraught Hanley Ramirez then took a soggy garlic roll and threw it at David Samson before walking out of the meeting room, angrily muttering to himself and a few nearby reporters, "Pizza? Das some boolsheet, bro."

No word yet on whether or not the Marlins front office gave in to his demands, or will in the future, but it might be in the team's best interest to cater to the star shortstop. After all, Albert Pujols and Jose Reyes will wind up costing this organization a fortune. Hanley, on the other hand, might only cost them a fortune... cookie.

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