Wednesday, December 28, 2011


The new year is coming up just around the corner, so it's time to make a list of all the things you say you're going to do before you quit doing them two weeks into January. With that in mind, I thought it'd be fun to get a bunch of the guys together to talk about what they're planning to do differently in the coming year. So, fellas, what are some of your New Year's resolutions for 2012?

My New Year's resolution is to work hard, get back to where I was before the injury and try and be the ace this team needs. You know, with the pitching staff we have and the players we're putt–

Ice cream.

[Nods head.]

I wasn't done ye–

My eh reselooshone es to eh play de shorestop poseeshone better den eh lasss year.

More ice cream.

[Nods head.]

Bang more groupies.

I mean de eh… de turd base poseeshone. Ya. Thas what I toll to say– I mean, what I eh wan to do.


Learned my lesson last season, guy. I ain't sayin' nothin' to you 'bout faggots this year.

Gimme a sec. I just have to ask Marissa if I'm allowed to talk to you about this…

Probably tweet less...

She says I can't. Sorry, dude.

Ah, shit, I did it again. Sorry, I didn't mean to use the word "faggot." What I meant to say was "the gays."

Nah, I'm just fucking with ya. I'mma tweet a whole fucking lot more this year. I'll try to be funnier, though.

I eh twee too. I eh gon to try to eh retwee more of tha fan these ye–

Rocky. Effing. Road.

[Nods head.]

There was this one chick. Ohmygod. Yeah, I'm totally gonna nail more hot girls in 2012.

Babe, c'mon! He's just the guy from that websi– What? Of course I wanna sleep in the bedroom tonight. What kind of question is that?

Jaja. Aye Stee, yoo eh poosywhip.

[Tweets] @srShrek31: stop being such a bitch. #newyearsresolutions

Just one girl after another, after another, after another...


Maybe some pistachio ice cream. You ever go to a Chinese buffet? Pistachio is always the best one there. Yeah, more pistachio ice cream.

[Nods head.]

Black girls, white girls, Asian girls…

Babe, now the guys are all making fun of me!

[Tweets] @srShrek31: SMH

Steve, you're such a fag.

Puerto Rican girls. They got them big asses. French girls, Russian girls…

Fuck. I did it again, didn't I?

Skinny bitches, fat bitches... My god, I'm gonna nail 'em all!

Can I finish what I was saying already? Geez. So, yeah, with the rotation we've got, I don't see wh–


[Nods head.]


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