Tuesday, March 27, 2012


Online journalism is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Online journalism is also like a box of chocolates, in that there's always one that you know you hate, but you keep thinking it has some redeeming qualities, so you always wind up trying it and then acting surprised when it's really crappy and, ohmygod, how the hell could I be so stupid I'm such a moron for even trying it again, oh wait, is that dark chocolate over there lemme try that one and oh shit not again. Anyway, yeah, that's Bleacher Report. So, enjoy what's good with the Marlins and Bleacher Report these days…

Ozzie Guillen: 5 Players You'd Love to See Have to Play for Him

This article has an awesome headline that doesn't have any unnecessary words and isn't at all difficult to read. Also, this piece is a list. In the form of a slideshow. Suck on that, Bleecher Report critics! Anyway, so this dude named Brandon Shaw (who totally doesn't look like he'd date rape your daughter) goes on to list five players that I'd apparently love to see be forced by wolves to have to play for Ozzie Guillen. And those players are—


Milton Bradley (because he's crazy), Miguel Cabrera (because he's fat), Manny Ramirez (because he's fat and crazy), Nyjer Morgan (because he's black), and Brian Wilson (who doesn't make any sense whatsoever).

My favorite part of the whole article (besides the obvious spelling and grammatical errors, obvs) is this line about Miguel Cabrera (emphasis mine):
He was arrested on suspicion for drunk driving last year, an incident which Guillen was quoted in saying he felt bad for Cabrera and hoped he could learn from it.
Well, I mean, if you're going to tell me he was quoted as saying something, shouldn't you then at least give me the quote? No? Okay then, carry on. I laughed, anyway, and that's really all that matters.

Either way, keep dooing what you do Bleecher Re-port righters. You make the online journalism wurld go rownd.

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