It's time to analyze the Marlins starting rotation with a gimmicky blogging trick started by someone a long time ago who liked to post YouTube videos. So, without further ado, your 2012 Miami Marlins rotation as told by your favorite *NSYNC songs…
Josh Johnson – "(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You"
It's true, Josh. In all of creation, all things great and small, you are the one that surpasses them all. More precious than any diamond or pearl, if you stay healthy, I'll give you my girl. Wait, that's not the lyric? Also, how cute was Justin Frostedtipsberlake?!?
Mark Buehrle – "Just Got Paid"
Which means that Mark has just enough money for gas this month.
Anibal Sanchez – "Losing My Way"
This song has nothing to do with Anibal, and it's technically not even an *NSYNC song, but it makes me laugh to hear Justin Timberlake sing about being a broke high school drop-out whose life has been destroyed by a crack addiction. Plus, church choir! OH MY GOD THIS SONG IS AWFUL AND I LOVE IT.
Ricky Nolasco – "That's When I'll Stop Loving You"
In the song, JC will only stop loving the anonymous girl when things that could never actually happen begin happening. I'm not that nice. A leadoff walk, a bases loaded double… that's when I'LL stop loving you. (Honorable mention: "I Want You Back", for those nights when you're getting the bad Ricky and all you can think about is the really good Ricky that shows up from time to time.)
Carlos Zambrano – "Trashin' The Camp"
*NSYNC never had a song called "Trashin' The Dugout" (I checked.), but this was the closest thing I could find. Plus, there are no words to this song, only weird noises, which is exactly how I imagine Carlos Zambrano sounds.
BONUS TRACK THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH *NSYNC AND/OR STARTING PITCHERS
Heath Bell – "Ice Cream Paint Job"
Because, I mean, c'mon, MOTHER FUCKIN' DOVE BARS!!!