I've watched that video roughly 4,382 times in the last 7 minutes. (That's *my* Seven Minutes in Heaven. My birthday parties were awkward.) There are just so many things to love about it. The way he flips the bat. The "pshh, whatever, bro" look on his face the second he realizes that he just murdered a baseball. How his homer came *thisssssss close* to breaking Jeffrey Loria's Technicolor Nightmare™. Ozzie practically beating the shit out of him, because Ozzie's a crazy person and that's how he celebrates. It's all just so wonderful.
When I started this site, the goal was to one day get the chance to go to the strip club with
Giancarlo Cruz. Monster dong. Walk-off style. Grand slam. On Mother's Day. With a pink bat. Against the Mets.
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom for the next six hours with an iPad, this blog post and a tube sock.