Thursday, May 3, 2012

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T CHOOSE ZAC EFRON OVER GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON AND OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS

If you've ever wondered why people on the East Coast hate people on the West Coast, now you have your reason. Heath Bell blew another save and GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON HIT A GAME-WINNING BOMB IN EXTRAS and I missed it all because I had just gotten done watching The Lucky One, which bored me to sleep somewhere around 9:30pm. Let's get caught up…

The Lucky One stinks. There are two constants throughout this movie. The first one is that Zac Efron remains unbelievably hot from beginning to end. At least that's what LadySCWS tells me. The other constant is bad acting and a terrible storyline. So, you know, don't go see this movie unless you'd like nothing more than to stare at Zac Efron for a few hours. Also, it should be noted that I watched this movie at home on my laptop, so, really, I'm The Lucky One for not having to pay for it.

Heath Bell kinda stinks, too, huh? After blowing yet another save, Bell's ERA sits at an impressive 11.74. If you were to take away the lone successful inning he pitched against the Giants Tuesday night, he's thrown 8,347,482,907 pitches, given up 5 hits, walked 5 batters, struck out exactly nobody and allowed 6 runs, while recording a grand total of 5 outs in three outings. He literally can't miss a bat. At this point, if an opposing player were to step into the batter's box without a bat, I'm convinced that Heath Bell would accidentally throw the first pitch at the guy in the on-deck circle and hit one of his bats.

So... GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON homered yesterday (5/2/12).



My favorite part of this homer? Stanton rounding third, looking to high-five Joey Espada, only Espada leaves him hanging, so GIANCARLO awkwardly switches from exuberant high-five to lonely fist-pump, hoping no one will notice. Watch the video. It's amusing. He's so adorbs!

TOAL HOME RUNS: 3
TOTAL DISTANCE TRAVELED: 1174'
AVG SPEED OFF BAT: 107.06 MPH
TOTAL RESULTING PREGNANCIES: 29

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