Monday, June 25, 2012

THE DAY I OUTED MYSELF TO HEATH BELL


Baseball players are real people. And sometimes we make jokes about those real people. And then sometimes we run into those real people that we made those jokes about in real life situations and have awkward conversations with them.

Yesterday, upon arriving at the gates to Marlins Park, I was greeted by a large, bearded fellow passing out jerseys to kids just before they piled onto the escalator. That bearded man? Heath Bell.

OMGOMGOMG What do I do? Do I keep quiet and pretend I'm just some dude at a baseball game? Do I say hi? Do I make an ice cream joke?

After careful consideration and some poking and prodding by the future Mrs. SCWS, I decided to out myself...

Me: Hey, Heath! You know that ice cream shirt you have? [Points to shirt and makes a circle as if talking to a deaf person.]
Heath: Yeah. [Ed. note: He was totally lying.]
Me: That was me.
Heath: Oh, ok. [Blank stare]
Me: Can I get a picture?
Heath: Sure
Me: Thanks. Pleasure to meet you. [Walks away]
Heath: Who the fuck was that guy?!? [Ed note: He didn't actually say this, but he was definitely thinking it.]

And *that* is the story of the photo you see above...


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