Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Last night, a Tuesday, in the middle of the week (as if a Tuesday could fall anywhere else), on a night that could have been Game 7 of the NBA Finals, with Obama blocking traffic on the 836, and Miami fans fresh off a four-day Heat bender, the Marlins invited a bunch of social media dorks who poke fun at them on the internet to come out to a game, get a little drunk and poke fun at them on the internet.

Good times were had by all, but an especially good time was had by the small handful of us who treated the free beer as if prohibition laws would be passed by the fourth inning. My memory of last night is hazy at best, but I'll attempt to fill you in on what you missed anyway...

• Arrival. Alex Buznego, Manager of Digital & Social Marketing and resident tour guide, kicked this shindig off by splitting us up into two groups. He then chose to be the tour guide for the group that didn't consist of myself, @FakeMarlinsFan and the FOX Sports Florida Girls. I immediately began to question his judgment.

• The tour. I have no idea what was actually said on the tour. I think our tour guide pointed out some really fancy area where people were wearing suits, an empty hallway and some wooden crates. He probably showed us more, but the noise in the stadium and the echoes in the hallways made it next to impossible to understand anything he was saying. Also, I'm a terrible listener, so that might be on me. Plus, there were two scrawny white kids awkwardly flirting with the FOX Sports Florida Girls and that was infinitely more entertaining than anything you could have told me about the ballpark.

• The Clevelander. What I do remember about the tour was that we stopped off in the Clevelander for free food and drink samples. Though, I suppose once you reach your fourth mixed drink sample, you're no longer sampling—you're drinking. It should be noted that there was more alcohol in my sample cup than in the full drinks that I actually purchased during my last trip there. I'm on to you, Clevelander!

• Suite? Sweet. For the same reason you're better off buying second generation electronics, it was probably better to be at this Social Media Lounge than the first one back in May; there were still some kinks to be worked out. Sure, those first gen people got a Marlins team that wasn't playing like complete ass, and they get to say that they were first (FIRST!!1!), but we didn't have to stare at GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON's ass the entire game (not that that would've been a terrible thing), because the Marlins social media people decided that hanging out behind the right field fence isn't nearly as much fun as hanging out in an air conditioned suite down the right field line. Yeah, you heard me right, first gen Marlins Social people. Suite life. Suck on that!

• Free food. Up until last night's event, I hadn't eaten much of anything except M&M's. This is the type of thing you do to your body when you know you're getting free food later. It was worth the wait, though. I don't remember exactly what I ate, but at any given time, there were pieces of shrimp burger, Asian slider, lobster something, hot dog something, and/or a meaty, steak-like substance on bread and topped with onion rings in or around my mouth. My only criticism of the food was that it disappeared somewhere around the third inning. It probably would've been better if they had staggered the serving of the food—some early, some a little later on—but that wasn't a big deal. Also, the ridiculously large hot dog/sausage thing served at the Clevelander? You should be buying that.

• Free drinks. The selection was limited, but it was also free, and free beer trumps extensive selection, soooooo... Plus, I had never tasted my own piss before, so drinking Corona Light was an enlightening experience!

Photo by @mrsSCWS

• Allison Williams. One of the more surreal experiences of the night was in-game reporter Allison Williams not only knowing who I was, but seeming (at least somewhat) genuinely disappointed that she couldn't interview me. I did wind up introducing her to the fiancĂ© and inviting her to the wedding, though, so there's that. And Allison, for the love of God, please please please please please pick something off the registry. None of this, "I donated to a random charity in your honor" stuff. That's horse poop.

• The people. Whether you believe the stereotype or not, when someone mentions blogging or social media, it's hard to shake the image of a pasty white guy in glasses that Dwyane Wade just made famous. And while there were definitely a few of those types in attendance, the vast majority of the group seemed like folks who have probably had sex at least once or twice in their lives. I had a really hard time getting over just how ordinary we all were. There wasn't a single person there who looked like they'd tie you up and throw you in the back of a windowless white van.

Some people I met (in no particular order):

@AriannaaaG. We only met for a brief moment, but she seemed cool enough. This was later in the evening and I was a little drunk, so you'll have to ask her how that conversation went.

@FSFlorida_Girls. It's never not weird when a relatively attractive woman screams out, "Nobody fart!" in a crowded elevator.

@LoMoDimples. This may come as a complete surprise, but Dimples isn't really a gorilla. He's actually a guy. With a job. I know. I was floored, too.

@FakeMarlinsFan. This one's hard to admit, but FMF is infinitely funnier than me. Especially in person. He actually reminds me a lot of Louis CK if Louis CK were a Marlins fan. He's that funny. Mrs. SCWS and I spent most of the night hanging out with him and his friend, PBR.

@mrsSCWS. Speaking of... Look who decided to join Twitter! Even though Mrs. SCWS doesn't absolutely love baseball, she's been a trooper these past few weeks, already joining me at three different games, which is like two more than she ever attended in the first 26 years of her life. Progress!

All joking aside, though, the Marlins did an exceptional job with this event. If you haven't had the chance to go, you should really try and get in on the next one. And if don't get invited to the next one, you can always hound Mr. Buznego on his Twitter account until he caves and says yes, just so you'll shut up about it.


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