Monday, July 9, 2012

GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON AND I BOTH HAZ A SAD

By now you've probably heard that the worst possible thing in the history of possible things has happened. GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON is out 4-6 weeks with "loose bodies", which means that in a month and a half, we'll start hearing rumors that it'll be another two weeks, and then after that we'll hear that he's day-to-day, and then—OOPS!—he's out for the rest of the season. That's how injuries seem to work with the Marlins. The good news, of course, is that the site gets a new header (LOOK UP!) and you get a couple days off because there's no reason to watch a home run derby or exhibition baseball game in which none of your favorite players are playing. I mean, you can check it out if you want, but nobody's going to blame you for going to The Cheesecake Factory or something.

At any rate, welcome to The Season from Hell. Heath Bell will be your tour guide, and if you'd like a refreshment, just let Hanley know and he'll gladly punch it for you.

Shoot me in the face.

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