Tuesday, July 31, 2012

HANLEY RAMIREZ, MIAMI MARLINS PERFORM SOCIOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT, PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT AMERICA IS DUMB


Hanley Ramirez sees you.

After watching Emilio Bonifacio and Logan Morrison prove that the average idiot in Miami will do pretty much anything asked of them to get a retweet from even a remotely famous person, Ramirez set out to prove another theory: stupid people will desperately crave attention in every part of the country!

"Joo know, Boni es start dees deng en Miami an joo ga peepo, eh, look lye idiotas make crazy sign weet der han for, eh, no reeeson," Ramirez said. "Ah joos fell lye ah coo do, eh, someteeng lye dat, lye get peepo to do someteeng stooped oww eere, too."

And boy was he right. In only took about a week, but Hanley Ramirez has the entire city of Los Angeles doing what I was doing at 7-years-old, when I'd run around with a plastic walkie-talkie and pretend I was in the army.

"Ah leese en Miami, we has peepo say, 'Dee joo see daa?' Lo viste was lye, joo get ah heet an den, 'Joo see wa ah joos dee?' Ba ow eere, dey weel joos lye do waaever, evahn eef eh don may senss. Tooday es lye, 'Ok, may han jesschoor.' Toomore ah be lye, 'Aigh, now ah wan joo ponch joo fren en de eye. An dey woo do eet, too! Ah gon call dat wan, 'Now joo can see sheet.'"

The Marlins are undoubtedly the best team in Major League Baseball at starting unbelievably stupid crazes and watching them spread like wildfire. "I shit you not, people are still sending me pictures of themselves LoMoing," a dumbfounded Logan Morrison exclaimed. "Like, for real dude, you're a grown man. Get off that kitchen table."

Hanley Ramirez makes his return to Miami on August 10th. After the game, fans from both teams will square off in a hand gesture competition at the Clevelander, as Madonna's "Vogue" plays in the background.



Photo via Old Time Family Baseball, which also has Vin Scully explaining this "I see you" thing, which is a pretty wonderful read in itself.

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