Monday, September 17, 2012


Me too, GIANCARLO. Me too.
Because Bud Selig is a cruel, loathsome commissioner, the 2012 season is still trudging along, stealing souls and eating children all the way up until October 3rd, when a masked man will blindfold the Marlins, take it out back, and put a bullet in the back of its head. It's really the only humane way to end this.

The Marlins took two of three from the first place Reds, though, because that's what happens in baseball. You win a bunch of games against good teams, giving you hope, then shit the bed against the Astros, making you want to murder a baby. Yay, baseball!

The good news is that this whole failure of an opening season is almost over. Twenty more awful games until this miserable year comes to a close and we can fast forward to the part of the offseason where we begin second-guessing everything Jeffrey Loria does, like not signing Josh Hamilton. (That's my favorite part, to be honest!)

The other good news is that something good happened to my career.

The bad news is that something good happened to my career, which means that for the next few weeks, I'll be spending less time drawing stick figures here and more time doing things that earn me a paycheck, allowing me to make enough money to draw stick figures from the comfort of a furnished home. I'll still be posting, just not as frequently for a while, which isn't a big deal because, really, what the hell is there to talk about the rest of this season, anyway?

"GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON homered." "John Buck struck out." "Heath Bell ate something." "Carlos Lee ate someone."

There. I think we covered it.

If you still think you need your fix of SCWS, though, I'll be on the Twitter machine—OBVS!—so you can always find my tired jokes there. Or you could send me a drunken email at 3 a.m. to say hi or something. My eDoor is always open.

Hope this news isn't too much of a shock to the nervous system. It's hard for me, too. We'll make it through this together, though. With love. And therapy. And Nutella. Mostly Nutella.

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