Tuesday, February 26, 2013


"Acorns, Jeffrey. Call 'em acorns. They'll eat that shit up."

Jeffrey Loria held a 30-minute press conference yesterday, where he took questions from the media and masterfully deflected any and all blame for ever doing anything wrong. No, seriously, anything that has ever gone wrong during his tenure here was in no way his fault and, in fact, he's really only made two or three decisions on his own and they were all fucking awesome decisions, and don't you dare forget that.
“We had a pretty bad year last year and it didn’t work. Signing these free agents didn’t work. I decided along with my baseball people. In spite of what some of you think, I don’t make unilateral decisions. I’ve made two or three unilateral decisions in all these years. One to sign Pudge {Rodriguez in 2003], which the naysayers said was going to be a disaster, and that didn’t turn out so bad.
"And I made a unilateral decision to see if we could get the best closer in the game at the time last year, which was Heath [Bell]. He’d had three straight successful years. I thought that would be great for us in our new ballpark. It didn’t turn out so well because he had problems on the field and off the field – his father was dying. It just didn’t work out for him or the club.
“And I made it my business to pursue Jose [Reyes]. I love Jose – to this day I love Jose. But I will tell you that when you see what we’ve done here, the shortstop [Adeiny Hechavarria] that we’ve brought in for the long haul, Hanley Ramirez called us and told us what an incredible shortstop he is. When Hanley tells you ‘he’s even better than I am,’ you’ve got a grat guy with great hands, it’s amusing to listen to, but thats what we needed to be thinking about. We wanted good defensive players."
Got that, folks? Jeffrey Loria has only made three decisions during his tenure; two of them were awesome and the other one didn't work out because the guy's dad was dying, not because the decision to overspend on a closer is and always will be idiotic.

Also, Hanley Ramirez scouts Blue Jays shortstops? Also also, Hanley Ramirez calls Jeffrey Loria? LOL OH, OK THEN.
“We had Jose Fernandez who I encouraged our guys to draft when we did. When he gets here he will be a household name. We don’t have any household names tomorrow, but they will be. You don’t win in this business and you aren’t successful as a baseball club unless you have an organization of young players that you can call upon. We didn’t have that."
Sorry, make that four awesome moves. No bad ones.

Somewhere in Davie, Jeff Ireland sits alone in an office, circling the name of a nondescript offensive lineman, while nodding in approval.

Full transcript via Sun-Sentinel

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