|Rare photo of a Marlin not sucking|
Adeiny Hechavarria (whose name I continue to spell right on the first try—go me!) sure was pissed about my decision to post sponsored content on the blog, and he took it out on Dan Haren, launching his first homer of the season into the left field seats. Literally, into the seats, obviously, because OMG LOL NOBODY GOES TO MARLINS GAMES /shoots self.
The Marlins also got a double from Greg Dobbs, so that was nice.
But, of course, only the Marlins could record 8 runs on 11 hits and make you wanna stab yourself in the eye with a banana. No, seriously, I'm glad they finally found some offense, it's a wonderful thing, but 9 singles? NINE. SINGLES. CAN SOMEONE ON THIS TEAM DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN MAKE IT TO FIRST BASE AND STOP? ANYONE? OH MY GOD IT'S TORTURE. The Marlins got three hits out of the first four batters in the fifth inning... and still had ZERO runs. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!
Whatever, man. 8-2. Yay, Marlins!
God, I hope Jeffrey Loria falls in a sewer.
*Statement may or may not be a lie