Wednesday, August 6, 2014

2 walks: a comparison to my Lady Parts

My day was made yesterday when I saw my buddy Jeff, who jumped up and ran over to me to hug me and tell me how much he is enjoying my posts. (I am glad someone is!) Seeing as each post has had a shake down on someone, he commented that he loved how “brutal and amazing your comments are, because they are just like you: brutal and amazing.” We had several good laughs and it encouraged me to keep this up. Thanks dude, I love you for our great chat last night, and I promise to keep trying to make you laugh.

That being said, @Project_305 deserves a shout out for making post suggestions, one of which I will reference now: being a clutch fangirl. I laughed and appreciated it when he said it, and now I am really going to earn that title.

I am pretty sure that Jared Hughes intentionally walked twice Stanton last night. Unlike my Lady Parts, I am assuming that he is scared of Stanton’s #MonsterDong.

Now, I know that walking certain batters is a strategic move at times, but damn son, twice in one game? Unfortunately, I only saw the last few innings, so I don’t know what you were throwing him for the 2 hits he got otherwise. I really want to call you a Butt Pirate for that, but I am of the mindset that using anything that’s a slur towards my friends in the gay community is wrong. So instead, I will just say you are a Lady Parts, and that it’s a shame your pitching isn’t as tight as I am.

What I do know is that you made the bats come alive after that last walk, and as we cycled through the 4 pitchers in the 8th and knocked in all those runs, Stanton got hungry for some *(Stolmy) Pimentel Loaf. Unfortunately, he tried to gobble those pitches up and struck out swinging. Even though it upset me to see that, it’s ok, I would still let him pickle my loaf.

(*See what I did there? For the record, I think Pimento Loaf is gross and if you eat, please don’t eat it around me.)

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