tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82775846478932259572024-03-14T08:40:16.644-04:00Strip Club With StantonUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger402125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-41814854397587878132014-08-22T14:57:00.002-04:002014-08-22T14:58:46.013-04:00Paul, Rosenthal and the Wall<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We are currently a .500 team…. I’ll take it! I know it’s not the best record we could hope for but compared to prior years, I am happy. Let’s just keep it up and enter post-season at it, if not better! Our outfield is one of the best (in my humble opinion) and as long as Stanton keeps his bat alive, we can. I am crossing my fingers that #HitsMcGehee re-earns his nickname, and if we combine that with more blasts by Ozuna and Jones, we will continue to look good. The season is almost over, let’s not muck it up in our typical Fish fashion. Regarding our next 3 series: I am just going to assume we will win all 3 games against the Rockies. I mean seriously...if we don’t then… I won’t even go there. The Angels are going to be tough, but hopefully we can fly by them on a wing and prayer. As for Atlanta, I will put on a brave face that we can chop out taking the series. Waaaah waaaaah waaah…. I know. I couldn’t help myself. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had the pleasure of meeting a reader and Twitter follower last weekend, a charming and funny Mr. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Paul </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nobles. To Twitter people, he is better known as @dolfan_70. Unfortunately, we didn’t get much time to hang out, as both of our friends were insisting that we go back to watching the silly thing called the Bucs v Dolphins game that we were at. I am sure it’s the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and that you’ll hear more from us as we share sports related adventures with the Twitterverse. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeY9SmAGimHhzMIWGlFp7BnuFHGUYqVoBz3j5xz18Z3n-GnYlsZjHdus1o508l7inBS0IM7KK0GU-EEy6Pw5nokDFbnwCaAbLFKBIZI5yWVAYaqDw8ZHnaB-uljAFJdeMGRz8m46kLTHg/s1600/PN+and+KMT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeY9SmAGimHhzMIWGlFp7BnuFHGUYqVoBz3j5xz18Z3n-GnYlsZjHdus1o508l7inBS0IM7KK0GU-EEy6Pw5nokDFbnwCaAbLFKBIZI5yWVAYaqDw8ZHnaB-uljAFJdeMGRz8m46kLTHg/s1600/PN+and+KMT.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Apparently, I didn’t skewer Ken </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rosenthal</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> enough because he’s come back for seconds, and I am happy to dish more out for him. To catch you up to speed, Ken published an article titled “Free Giancarlo Stanton” </span><a href="http://www.foxsports.com/mlb/just-a-bit-outside/story/free-giancarlo-stanton-072414" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">http://www.foxsports.com/mlb/just-a-bit-outside/story/free-giancarlo-stanton-072414</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and I served him up a rebuttal. </span><a href="http://stripclubwithstanton.blogspot.com/2014/07/woman-scorned-letter-to-ken-rosenthal.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">http://stripclubwithstanton.blogspot.com/2014/07/woman-scorned-letter-to-ken-rosenthal.html</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<a href="http://www.foxsports.com/mlb/just-a-bit-outside/story/trading-mvp-candidate-giancarlo-stanton-could-pay-off-big-time-for-miami-marlins-082014" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">http://www.foxsports.com/mlb/just-a-bit-outside/story/trading-mvp-candidate-giancarlo-stanton-could-pay-off-big-time-for-miami-marlins-082014</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ken posted this earlier this week and even though he ended the column with a very nice comment, I still think he’s wrong. I think the devil, I mean Loria, knows that Stanton is our stud, and that with all the other BS he’s pulled and the fires he’s started with bad PR, that if he lets go of Stanton and doesn’t show a commitment to our fan base, that we will revolt and leave the team in even worse shambles for attendance and following then we are already in. Stanton is a drug and we’re all hooked. Loria knows better than to yank us off the good juice and throw us into the hysteria of withdrawal. We’ve all seen Trainspotting right? That’s how I imagine every single Marlins fan will be (all hopefully aiming for his ugly ass, overpriced, Italian leather shoes) if Loria lets him slip through or tries to pull another garbage trade that gets us no where and no real talent. We need to keep the talent that we have, and Stanton sits at the top of that list. Look at how the clubhouse interacts with each other right now. It’s all happy go lucky in there and that in turns makes us happy. Giancarlo is the future of our team, and we need him to stay put. Loria’s history of piss poor trades and deal making will not be repeated with Stanton. Stop perpetuating the idea that he is better off elsewhere. He’s gelled the team around him into one of the best outfields in the league. Good grief, Ken, let us have our moment in the sun and work with us to spread the idea that Giancarlo belongs with us long-term, and that it’s best for everyone involved, because it is. He’ll get the money he deserves, and we’ll get to keep doing the drug referred to as GMCS. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If Loria is stupid enough to alienate and piss us off again, I for one will bang my head against a </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">wall</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, and I’d rather not do then seeing as I finally read the writing on it, when it comes to dealing with my ex. Long gone are the days of me forgetting I had a backbone and letting him walk all over me and treat me in a manner less than I deserve. Jimmy Dugan yelled at me and said “Start using your head. That’s the lump that’s three feet above your ass.” And so now I am and couldn’t be happier. I’m free! I’m free from his cruel attitude and from having to listen to him drone on and on about baseball with his steadfast opinions (which of course were always the right ones, he was never wrong) a sport he’s never once played, not even in a pickup game. Too bad it was when I finally got him to agree to play catch with me once, because he admitted that he had never even worn a baseball glove. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes I think Ken is the same breed--all opinion, no play time. Maybe that’s why he rubs me the wrong way, because I wonder if he too has ever played, even in a stinking little league. I just think that years of talking about and watching something are no match for the feeling you get when you’ve actually had some dirt in your skirt and have earned an RBI tally. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bonus picture since I quoted A League of Their Own: me as a Rockford Peach! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was the best Halloween Costume ever, and one that I think I will repeat next year. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>ItsJustMeKMThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14554676543759669443noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-23863028599053300832014-08-12T13:25:00.001-04:002014-08-21T12:16:29.857-04:002 #MonsterDongs = 2 gratuitous pics<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A little</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i> backside</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> story for you.. years ago, I started playing kickball, as a side game from softball. At the time, I didn't know many people in the league. Fast forward a season and me getting asked out by another player. The story goes as such: he asked me out, I said yes, and he goes back to the table he was sitting with. He told them "K just said that she'd go on a date with me." They all responded "Who?" He pointed me out at my team's table and they all said "Ohhhh.....you mean The Ass."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Years later and now friends with those guys, I've come find out that prior to knowing me or my name, they referred to me as The Ass. Why? Take a wild guess, geniuses.</span></div>
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<a href="http://www.playbuzz.com/angel10/what-kind-of-butt-do-you-have" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">http://www.playbuzz.com/angel10/what-kind-of-butt-do-you-have</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(Let us know, readers. What kind are you?)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">His reply inspired me write this post: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>None of the above, in a class by itself. “The Kate” aka “The Ass” </i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (See why I love him?) followed by </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Btw, your beloved Stanton will be in a Red Sox uniform soon enough.</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (See why I hate him?)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh wait, you want pictorial proof of my best asset, you say?! </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQacpkSEzz755ZJCWN_d17xJp1OOajl3nt_wAQ0s88jblh_Cbf7PaG731S1QspoknE9Ar6-eYd046X_JqCdoVVU_Lbzzi266t0Q00wqpE76iYyAL0fXnVT2IvbzmL_AJ4KdWP73Xvo_L8/s1600/kmtb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQacpkSEzz755ZJCWN_d17xJp1OOajl3nt_wAQ0s88jblh_Cbf7PaG731S1QspoknE9Ar6-eYd046X_JqCdoVVU_Lbzzi266t0Q00wqpE76iYyAL0fXnVT2IvbzmL_AJ4KdWP73Xvo_L8/s1600/kmtb.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You're welcome. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I guess I have to write something related to GiancarloMichaelCruzStanton because that's the point of the blog, right? </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I now have 2 people who refer to Stanton hitting a HR as a #MonsterDong. Slowly but surely, I am converting people. </span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of the number 2…..hello!! Did you see those beauties? What about that diving catch? Hotdamn his ass looked good when he did that…our boy has one hellava ass on himself, in case you hadn’t noticed. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gary Sheffield holds the club record at 42 for a single season batting, and if our boy keeps his hits up, he has a good shot of blasting past Gary before our season ends. We have 9 games left, and he needs 12 more to hold the record. Do you think he can do it? I do! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s all ignore the trade rumors and enjoy this man while we can (which hopefully, will be for a very long time). Please dearlordinheavenalmighty don’t let him leave us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I've decided that for every #MonsterDong hit for the rest of the season, I will post of picture for you, similar in nature to the ones above. If that's not a reason to cheer Stanton on, I don't know what is. </span></div>
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ItsJustMeKMThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14554676543759669443noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-57105612396524625522014-08-06T12:14:00.003-04:002014-09-03T15:00:04.742-04:002 walks: a comparison to my Lady Parts<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My day was made yesterday when I saw my buddy Jeff, who jumped up and ran over to me to hug me and tell me how much he is enjoying my posts. (I am glad someone is!) Seeing as each post has had a shake down on someone, he commented that he loved how “brutal and amazing your comments are, because they are just like you: brutal and amazing.” We had several good laughs and it encouraged me to keep this up. Thanks dude, I love you for our great chat last night, and I promise to keep trying to make you laugh. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-b2ce1aea-ac16-4575-22e5-8ea1b0bbbba2" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That being said, @Project_305 deserves a shout out for making post suggestions, one of which I will reference now: being a clutch fangirl. I laughed and appreciated it when he said it, and now I am really going to earn that title.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am pretty sure that Jared Hughes intentionally walked twice Stanton last night. Unlike my Lady Parts, I am assuming that he is scared of Stanton’s #MonsterDong. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, I know that walking certain batters is a strategic move at times, but damn son, twice in one game? Unfortunately, I only saw the last few innings, so I don’t know what you were throwing him for the 2 hits he got otherwise. I really want to call you a Butt Pirate for that, but I am of the mindset that using anything that’s a slur towards my friends in the gay community is wrong. So instead, I will just say you are a Lady Parts, and that it’s a shame your pitching isn’t as tight as I am. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What I do know is that you made the bats come alive after that last walk, and as we cycled through the 4 pitchers in the 8th and knocked in all those runs, Stanton got hungry for some *(Stolmy) Pimentel Loaf. Unfortunately, he tried to gobble those pitches up and struck out swinging. Even though it upset me to see that, it’s ok, I would still let him pickle my loaf. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(*See what I did there? For the record, I think Pimento Loaf is gross and if you eat, please don’t eat it around me.) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>ItsJustMeKMThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14554676543759669443noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-14803528394344732672014-08-05T12:38:00.000-04:002014-08-05T12:38:11.500-04:00Trade Deadline Day, Redmond's Ejection and #MonsterDongsTrade Deadline Day, Redmond's Ejection and #MonsterDongs<br />
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The only thing I really have to say about yesterday is THANKYOUSWEETBABYJESUS! Stanton is still a Marlin.<br />
You all already know about all the trades and you don't nee me to reiterate what happened. That's not what this blog is about, anyway. it's about stickfigure drawings, bad photoshop, strip clubs, and now my rack references.<br />
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Moving on to Redmond's ejection. Unfortunately, I was working, so I didn't get to see it happen live, but thanks to the interwebs I got to watch it a few times this morning. Kudos to Mikeyboy for standing his ground and calling the objection for what is was: BS. Homeboy even kicked his hat. If that's not passion, I don't know what is. That's some love right there, folks. Our owner may blow but our manager doesn't.<br />
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I am bummed I didn't even know about it until today because I was working. My friend, knowing I was working, text me "Stanton just crushed a monster dong..Giancarlomicheal" but didn't tell me about the ejection. He's only half trained... I'll get him there.<br />
Just kidding dude, thank you for letting me know about the #MonsterDong. I owe ya one for that. But please start typing it correctly, it's #MonsterDong not monster dong. Thank you! <br />
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Speaking of ejections, I had a fun incident to deal with in a coed rec softball league last night. There's nothing more aggravating than dealing with an ump on a power trip. I was filling in as the at field coordinator for the night, and in all the years I've played and for the short time that I've worked for the league, I have never dealt with such a bad attitude person. That sh*t takes all the fun out of playing. The poor player involved in the incident with the ump took it like a champ though. I have to hand it to him. I'd be banned for life it I were him.<br />
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That reminds me, I adidn't update y'all about Monday. I am back playing softball after a hiatus, and although I didn't crush a #MonsterDong myself, but I did have a few good knocks. It felt so good to have a glove on my hand again, though!<br />
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<br />ItsJustMeKMThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14554676543759669443noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-4523838646365031162014-07-28T18:47:00.000-04:002014-07-28T18:47:12.755-04:00Putting my $ where my mouth isAs I read blogs and listen to people ramble away about various and sundry things regarding the game of baseball, I wonder how many of these people have actually played the great sport.<br />
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Nothing drives me crazier (and I am already crazy to begin with) than armchair quarterbacks, or in this case, armchair pitchers, droning on about a sport they've never played. That being said, you will never hear me talking about lacrosse or tennis, the two sports I don't think I've ever played, even as a kid. I've been a gymnast, I've played rugby, and even played flag football for my PE credit in college. I've ran, I've swam, and I am a championship winning kickball player.<br />
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Tonight, I am putting my money where my mouth is, and picking up my old trusty, a worn and much loved Rawlings glove and my bright purple bat that's covered in dings. Hopefully, I will make Stanton proud and hit a #monsterdong for him.<br />
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If I do, who is taking me to a strip club?!?<br />
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Wish me luck!ItsJustMeKMThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14554676543759669443noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-75624253016817186562014-07-25T09:56:00.001-04:002014-07-25T09:56:43.237-04:00Woman Scorned: A letter to Ken Rosenthal<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dearest Ken, </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In regards to your "FREE GIANCARLO STANTON" post yesterday: </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Way to point out everything we already know about Loria and how our team operates. Don't you have anything original or groundbreaking to tell us? </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You call yourself a professional, why not report on something that's not already common knowledge? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Good job on doing nothing more than fanning the flames. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lame. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Take that bowtie and shove it up your ass. I like to wear them too, but they sure as shit look better sitting above my supple rack versus on your pale, old man turkey neck. Here's a bit of pictorial evidence to back up my claim: </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img alt="bowtie.jpg" height="277px;" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/hF5TObOqCy7jjWEzec7dhRnrYVPpx_eln9fhvP50ayOHbojlASN5P6TbUl8gCdRId1HRa4rynRueCLIY7kcxgmO775_nipmBYaWBdpNOhWhKUYoXFllUJ1Hhti5KwQSwfA" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="136px;" /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of old news, much like you are "reporting"... that's what you just proved yourself to be. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Move over. Its time for the new hotness. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Take note, @FoxSportsFlorida. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Warmest regards, </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kate</span></div>
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ItsJustMeKMThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14554676543759669443noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-4495950429691392932014-07-23T12:57:00.000-04:002014-07-23T12:57:24.541-04:00Bigfoot has a #MonsterDong<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How many names does this guy have?!?</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-c697833c-6426-cd3a-bddb-9b52f5cd01ff" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I learned today that he is called Bigfoot by the other players. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After knowing this, does anyone else think about the saying about the correlation between a man’s shoe size and the size of his junk?</span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe that’s why we say he hits such #MonsterDongs.</span>ItsJustMeKMThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14554676543759669443noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-20481751874426942112014-07-22T09:19:00.001-04:002014-07-22T09:19:23.590-04:00KMT and SCwS: first post! <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s been almost a year since the blog was updated. A ton has changed since then, but the one thing that thankfully remains the same is that Stanton is still a Marlin. The same can’t be said about Morrison, but he wasn’t a fan of the blog so f*ck ‘em. Anyway, back to what’s changed since then: Blogger BoobiesNStanton got married. Congrats, dude! I hope you knew you were trading in your bats and balls for a ball and chain, and that you are only going to see the same PINK PONY from here on out. I didn’t though, so all you single boys out there can breathe a sigh of relief. You still have time! The most that’s changed with me is my hair. Not very exciting, I know. Moving on…As for the Marlins, we thankfully didn't have another godawful re-branding but we switched our roster up again, making us almost unrecognizable from this time last year.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some things remain the same, such as still wanting to go to a strip club with Stanton, the Marlins are still owned by the devil reincarnated, the one and thankgodforhimbeingthe only Jeff Loria, and we switched up our roster again, making us almost unrecognizable from this time last year. Yes, I know that’s a repeat from above but it happens every year, thus making it a dual purpose statement. Don’t talk back to me! Shut your mouth a keep reading. You have to, Stanton would want you to. Plus, I have a nice rack, and per BoobiesNStanton, I will do a great job keeping up the blog because “No blogger with boobs has ever failed.” So, that being said, here I go, taking my proverbial twirl around the blogging pole, hoping for pure GOLD CLUB. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wanting to write for a blog has been something I’ve been thinking about for a while but I never took a swing at it, mainly out of laziness. However, this past weekend, I was chatting it up with a very cute guy at the Rowdies soccer game, and he asked me if I was a writer. I said no, not really, although I had considered myself one in my younger years. I asked him why he thought that and he replied “It’s the way you talk about and describe things. You should write, and you should focus on sports because you go to so many sporting events.” (True story. I am constantly at games of some sort. Between my rec league kickball and softball teams, I was at a 2 baseball games (1 Rays, 1 Threshers), 2 soccer games (Rowdies), and a Mud Wars event within the span of 7 days. Yeah, I stay busy.) Anyway, I told that story to the genius who started this beloved blog, and he graciously offered to transfer it to me. I ecstatically accepted, and here I am, me and my rack, posting my first blog. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6a86faac-59d9-9150-995d-235783afba62" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To introduce myself, I thought it would be nice to do a little look back at my history and involvement with #SCWS. I started following the blog pretty soon after it was started. I thought the name was hysterical, and that the posts were even funnier than the name. I replied to and retweeted every time I saw a new post. I hoped that one day, he would be rewarded with trip to a strip club with GiancarloCruzMichalStanton, and that I could join that magical 2001 SPACE ODYSSEY journey, if an invite if it ever happened.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I offered to live tweet my shenanigans at any of the Rays v Marlins games I went to. (I live in Tampa now and screw you, yes I cheer for the Rays too. I can't help it, I am a baseball fan and have to go to games. My soul would suffer if I didn't. I grew up going to lordonlyknows how many Marlins games, and its ingrained in me to go. Plus, their owner actually gives a ---- about his team, unlike Loria. It's a refreshing change.) </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here are some highlights of those games. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me inviting Stanton to a Tampa area strip club. I even offered to let him pick which one we went to--even though my kickball team at the time was sponsored by a SCORES Tampa . Sadly, he never responded. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">NEW BALL!!!!!! </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I wear that ring on the finger for a reason. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://d3j5vwomefv46c.cloudfront.net/photos/large/775480589.jpg?1369693443" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://d3j5vwomefv46c.cloudfront.net/photos/large/775480589.jpg?1369693443" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">We called this game the #seafoodbattle game. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me, sitting on my friend's head. Because why not?</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">YEAH, I AM A.....</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">OLD SKOOL Yo!</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This last one is not Marlins or SCwS related, but consider it a bonus because boobs are being shown. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I hope you had as much fun reading this post as I did writing it. I promise to be as irreverent and rude as possible in future posts, and to keep in line with the spirit of the blog's theme and style thus far. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ohhhhh , one last thing: the #Rack Reference contest. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> No one correctly guess the number of times I would reference my rack in this post so t</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">he winner is...... no one. Well, one person who guessed has seen it plenty in person, so I guess he is the winner, lucky him. </span></div>
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ItsJustMeKMThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14554676543759669443noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-24965945137816867432014-07-16T10:00:00.000-04:002014-07-16T10:00:03.507-04:00A NEW CHAPTER OF SCWS BEGINS…<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggNXrP4uhPAh5wBRNA2vKDjEKTqQQ1evYmzbjz9k5q2plm-n0QdLrcka3bUa3aLx_ZOTw5GkPMuYgdVOTw2N6_CV-CbZQrw-ECGKfQGv36c2rl0gkmuCnW5BQMHCryieHujSrm4nb02z4/s1600/wheresmyshirt.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggNXrP4uhPAh5wBRNA2vKDjEKTqQQ1evYmzbjz9k5q2plm-n0QdLrcka3bUa3aLx_ZOTw5GkPMuYgdVOTw2N6_CV-CbZQrw-ECGKfQGv36c2rl0gkmuCnW5BQMHCryieHujSrm4nb02z4/s1600/wheresmyshirt.gif" height="201" width="320" /></a></div>
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A little over a year ago, this here blog came to its unofficial end. Having neither the time nor the desire to come up with witty Photoshops about stick figure Marlins, I let the site sit there. And sit there. And sit there. It's got so much dust on it right now, it might as well be your grandmother's vagina. (There's a visual for ya.)<br />
<br />
<b><i>SO, WAIT, DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE BACK?!!</i></b><br />
<br />
Nope.<br />
<br />
<b><i>OH.</i></b><br />
<br />
Don't be sad. After 14 months of silence, this tiny piece of the internet is making its triumphant return!<br />
<br />
<b><i>WAIT, WHAT?</i></b><br />
<br />
With a new voice.<br />
<br />
<b><i>HUH?</i></b><br />
<br />
A new leader.<br />
<br />
<b><i>!!!!!!!!!!!</i></b><br />
<br />
A leader who loves GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON and terrible Photoshops maybe even more than myself.<br />
<br />
<b><i>NO WAY!</i></b><br />
<br />
Way! And she's a new leader with boobs. (BOOBS, GUYS! BOOBS!)<br />
<br />
Okay, here's the deal. Her name is <a href="https://twitter.com/KMT9" target="_blank">@KMT9</a>—well, that's her Twitter name, at least—and she'll introduce herself in the coming days. She'll assume the role of your new fearless leader around these parts, as I hand the keys of the site over to her and watch as she crashes it into an MS Paint pole that she'll then proceed to swing from as she strategically removes articles of clothing while Def Leppard plays in the background.<br />
<br />
For realsies, though, she should have nothing to worry about. You guys have always been great to me and I suspect you'll be even greater to a writer with fully functioning nipples. If she needs anything (or, hell, if you guys need anything), I'll always be right over here at <a href="http://www.pageqsports.com/author/adam/" target="_blank">Page Q Sports</a>, or you can find me on the Twitter machine either <a href="http://boobiesnstanton/" target="_blank">here</a> or <a href="https://twitter.com/adamsmoot" target="_blank">here</a>. I still love you guys and I would never truly leave you, but it's time the site was back in the hands of someone who can do it justice.<br />
<br />
So, with that, it's time for me to step aside and let the new kid take over.<br />
<br />
Good luck and happy stick figuring.<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-89821315305154224582013-05-15T08:23:00.002-04:002013-05-15T08:23:34.018-04:00STAR TREK NIGHT AT MARLINS PARK: NOT EVEN "THE FORCE" COULD HELP THEM WINLast night was Star Trek Night at Marlins Park. Much fun was had. Not by the Marlins, who lost 6-2, but by everyone else who was there. And, well, maybe some of the Marlins had fun, too, since a few of them <em>did</em> get dressed up for the occasion...<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-84092918273790336232013-05-13T09:36:00.003-04:002013-05-13T09:36:45.775-04:00THE MARLINS LOST A BUNCH OF GAMES BUT YOU WERE SLEEPING WHEN IT HAPPENED SO IT DOESN'T COUNTThe last time we spoke, on May 5th, the Marlins were ending Roy Halladay's career, which was nice. You probably wanna hold onto that memory, because Loria's band of merry misfits has played 6 games since, recorded more than 1 run just twice, and won just once. Luckily it all happened on the West Coast, so you probably slept through it. Can I get a "Yay, Marlins!"<br />
<br />
You now get a day off of not caring about the Marlins before they begin a three game series against the Reds that you won't care about either. <a href="http://miami.marlins.mlb.com/mia/ticketing/supergroup.jsp?group=star_trek" target="_blank">Tuesday night is Star Trek Night</a> at Marlins Park (I couldn't even make this up), so feel free to dress like an alien and also shoot yourself in the face, because nobody else associated with that awful show has had the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBNL9xx3Ie0" target="_blank">self-respect</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDSnjfxu_Ig" target="_blank">to do so.</a><br />
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And now for a bunch of photos of Marlins players doing Marlins things:<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-41553491773717447452013-05-05T17:36:00.000-04:002013-05-05T17:36:01.174-04:00REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED BY ADEINY HECHAVARRIA<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVUiohbkYtrotH1QJS0Mvh3FkqMn21sdprhfIlIvgl_wIG_e1eB0bb0f3O2h6j3QogtszFxONE6rfZJE1P0Rc0Ez8Pa3CwSjr-yyQj9DaNfb77b-pG_in107Tv4k2rR50hn9m5dLaWjcs/s1600/ZWRrd2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVUiohbkYtrotH1QJS0Mvh3FkqMn21sdprhfIlIvgl_wIG_e1eB0bb0f3O2h6j3QogtszFxONE6rfZJE1P0Rc0Ez8Pa3CwSjr-yyQj9DaNfb77b-pG_in107Tv4k2rR50hn9m5dLaWjcs/s1600/ZWRrd2.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Well, um, nobody expected <a href="http://scores.espn.go.com/mlb/boxscore?gameId=330505122" target="_blank"><i>that one</i></a>...<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Previously:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://stripclubwithstanton.blogspot.com/2013/04/you-win-this-round-penguin.html" target="_blank">ZWR v. SCWS, Rd 1</a></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-32860311723871197432013-05-03T08:04:00.002-04:002013-05-03T08:05:16.748-04:00PHOTOSHOP MAKES THE MARLINS LESS SUCKY, PART IThis season stinks. I'm not even gonna try and fight it. The Marlins lost again yesterday. They're dead last in like everything. Might as well use Photoshop for the greater good and try to have some fun while we're all stuck here watching this mess.<br />
<br />
First up, Hector Ruggiano and Jonathon Sanabia. I think those are their names, anyway...<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-35542337112854800212013-04-30T08:00:00.000-04:002013-04-30T08:03:34.547-04:00PRINT THIS OUT AND WIPE YOUR ASS WITH IT, LOGANYesterday was a pretty significant day in sports, what with current NBA player Jason Collins coming out of the closet and all. Even if a few dopes had to go <a href="http://www.sportsgrid.com/they-said-what/chris-broussard-jason-collins-open-rebellion-god/" target="_blank">and say some stupid things</a>, it felt a little bit like progress. The majority of the sports world seemed to handle themselves with class. And then there was Logan Morrison...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeEoHa6-RCzfF5bHulpGAo2DmUKlMrcEzTbOC8b9tpxJ5wbjrUv2GzVRdU0poTohg1oK8qzGkxGmcTGOiwBGllT62MdxU5vZ4J96Iqq2hPt-FLFwS7swWkUqYicEoYjJ3RPhPeRBMa4DQ/s1600/lomotweet1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeEoHa6-RCzfF5bHulpGAo2DmUKlMrcEzTbOC8b9tpxJ5wbjrUv2GzVRdU0poTohg1oK8qzGkxGmcTGOiwBGllT62MdxU5vZ4J96Iqq2hPt-FLFwS7swWkUqYicEoYjJ3RPhPeRBMa4DQ/s1600/lomotweet1.jpg" /></a></div>
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Which obviously led to this exchange...<br />
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<span id="goog_383991301"></span><br />
<br />
Jesus, I can't believe I have to do this--<a href="http://stripclubwithstanton.blogspot.com/2011/03/we-like-you-donnie-murphy-but-shut-fuck.html" target="_blank"><b>AGAIN</b></a>--but here goes:<br />
<br />
Dear Logan Morrison,<br />
<br />
As you may have noticed, we like jokes around these parts. Sports are supposed to be fun and jokes are funny, so it's kind of a natural fit. They lighten the mood and make things feel a little better when your favorite team is doing whatever the hell it is you call it that your teammates are doing on the field this year.<br />
<br />
Now that we've established what jokes are and why they're cool, let's talk about homophobia. Homophobia isn't strictly limited to two macho dudes beating up a gay guy in an alley, though that would certainly make understanding it much, much easier. No, homophobia is sometimes about reinforcing stereotypes. Stereotypes like, "Yo, gay guys are into girly things, like fashion. High-five, bro!" for instance.<br />
<br />
Now let's talk about being gay in professional sports. Not that I would know what that's like from personal experience, but I'd imagine it's pretty difficult, considering only ONE guy has come out, and all this idiocy has happened in just the last six years:<br />
<br />
<b><a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2766213" target="_blank">Tim Hardaway:</a></b><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known," Hardaway said. "I
don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am
homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the
United States."</i></blockquote>
<b><a href="http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/blog/nfl-rapidreports/21624342/49ers-chris-culliver-openly-gay-player-wouldnt-be-welcome-as-his-teammate" target="_blank">Chris Culliver:</a></b><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>In the interview, Lange asked Culliver if there are any gay players on
the 49ers roster, "No, we don't got no gay people on the team, they got
to get up out of here if they do," Culliver said. "Can't be with that
sweet stuff. Nah ... can't be ... in the locker room man. Nah." </i></blockquote>
<b><a href="http://deadspin.com/mike-wallace-has-dumb-thoughts-about-gay-people-484560789" target="_blank">Mike Wallace:</a></b><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>All these beautiful women in the world and guys wanna mess with other guys SMH...</i></blockquote>
Part of the reason there aren't more stories of athletes coming out is because of this caveman culture that exists throughout sports, a culture that doesn't exactly promote acceptance. Most of the time, it actively fights against it. How is an athlete supposed to feel comfortable in his own skin when the people he's closest with make it abundantly clear that <i>they </i>wouldn't be entirely comfortable with it? Or that they'd mocked him openly?<br />
<br />
"Maybe they can give me fashion advice." You see, it's funny because gay guys are like women, not real men. Maybe that gay dude should get in the kitchen and fix me a sammich, amirite?<br />
<br />
Listen, jokes are funny. Gay jokes aren't. Not when it's 2013 and assholes still aren't comfortable with the idea of a dude loving another dude. These jokes do nothing but put down an entire group of people still fighting to gain the same rights and respect as the rest of us. (<a href="https://twitter.com/LoMoMarlins/status/46566672420712448" target="_blank">You knew this, once upon a time.</a>)<br />
<br />
You like to joke. That's cool. We all do. But not about this. Not today. Not when your joke marginalizes a person who did something so unbelievably brave that the President of the United States of America openly commended him. You've got 130,000 Twitter followers and a platform, and instead of showing support for Jason Collins, you chose to make fun of him, doing the very thing that's kept him from coming out of the closet his whole life.<br />
<br />
Congratulations, you're a shitty Anthony Jeslenik.<br />
<br />
Take care,<br />
SCWS <br />
<br />
P.S., I'm sorry you don't like my blog. Guess my dick jokes are a little too highbrow for you.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-22797941933266154202013-04-29T08:00:00.000-04:002013-04-29T08:00:01.949-04:00EVEM MONSTER DONGS CAN'T MAKE THE MARLINS NOT SUCK<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixt1p5FoRft-XtwOXlRYaRDdlHM5tOkzYz5erGbeTEqtYnPOJ-Cx1KEHtQ_sJIvSkYpbyACSt5-cOdm99PIIgX8Z7HrnjuZi7Iuu5IzyPEnhiTRUHyFN2tr-dQqIwNuhIBZAEGsJyE_U4/s1600/stantonmonsterdong.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixt1p5FoRft-XtwOXlRYaRDdlHM5tOkzYz5erGbeTEqtYnPOJ-Cx1KEHtQ_sJIvSkYpbyACSt5-cOdm99PIIgX8Z7HrnjuZi7Iuu5IzyPEnhiTRUHyFN2tr-dQqIwNuhIBZAEGsJyE_U4/s1600/stantonmonsterdong.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON finally decided he was done being bored with whatever it is the Marlins do on game days, so he launched three monster dongs (his first three of this miserable, godforsaken season) off the Cubs this weekend. The other explanation is that it was the Cubs. Whatever, man.<br />
<br />
His three homers in a 24-hour span makes him the Marlins leading home run leader, because the rest of this team fucking blows. One of his homers almost killed a person in the streets of Miami. The lesson, as we're been learning for the past few years, is that GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON is a god amongst men. Shitty, no good, awful, crappy, terrible men in Marlins jerseys.<br />
<br />
Also, the Marlins lost three of four to a Cubs team that's only marginally better than my old softball team. <br />
<br />
Also, also, look't that picture. BALLS.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-21612795351357956912013-04-24T08:09:00.002-04:002013-04-24T08:09:20.677-04:00PUNCH ME IN THE DICK: A MARLINS HAIKU<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
Make this season stop<br />
It's literally the worst<br />
Punch me in the dick<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/blog/eye-on-baseball/22113691/joe-mahoney-marlins-cleanup-hitter" target="_blank">What's a Mahoney?</a><br />
I paid money for this shit?<br />
Punch me in the dick<br />
<br />
Is LoMo still out?<br />
That guy is a vagina<br />
Punch HIM in the dick<br />
<br />
The park is empty<br />
'Cause Loria killed baseball<br />
Fucked us with his dick<br />
<br />
"Protest the Marlins—<br />
Wait, what? It's opening night!"<br />
Those people were dicks<br />
<br />
Just five wins this year<br />
Which is better than I thought<br />
Punch me in the dick<br />
<br />
It's hard to believe<br />
I blog about these losers<br />
Punch me in the dick<br />
<br />
Should have made a blog<br />
About going to the zoo<br />
Punch me in the dick<br />
<br />
If you're reading this<br />
You haven't killed yourself yet<br />
Thank you for the clicksUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-83217557623768046552013-04-22T08:15:00.000-04:002013-04-22T08:15:06.838-04:00GUESS WHAT HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND (HINT: YOU ALREADY KNOW)<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX-D5NHuSlEhH5KOYsyGHkIaAQtkbWzb_M5plsOA21oAXI_Gkl_l0sulxtD3oh9Tls3AQtrwQwlR3HlHA4yNFf5QiWLTSjd7qZ9ToeSY1OKrwSYcID3ettbpq_BhDAJohAsj61KxmuzeI/s1600/sanabia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX-D5NHuSlEhH5KOYsyGHkIaAQtkbWzb_M5plsOA21oAXI_Gkl_l0sulxtD3oh9Tls3AQtrwQwlR3HlHA4yNFf5QiWLTSjd7qZ9ToeSY1OKrwSYcID3ettbpq_BhDAJohAsj61KxmuzeI/s1600/sanabia.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Alex Sanabia reacts to the Marlins 4-run 9th inning on Sunday.</em></td></tr>
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The good news is that the Marlins didn't get swept by the Cincinnati Reds. The bad news is that it was a four game series, so they still managed to lose three times, scoring all of 7 runs in the first 35 innings of the series. After that, they managed to scrape together a 4-run 9th inning on Sunday, but those don't tend to mean much when you're down by 82(3x + 10).<br />
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As for GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELstanton, he sulked his way to 4 hits, 8 Ks... and his first RBI of the season! On April 21. Nineteen games in. Fuck my face.<br />
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The other good news is that I watched none of this, because I'm not a sucker.<br />
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The Marlins head to Minnesota tonight for a two-game series against the Twins, in which the American League will finally get to experience this unbelievable amount of suck. You, on the other hand, have the option to avoid it. Monday's suck as it is. No need to compound that by adding a Marlins game to your night.<br />
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Is this season over yet?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-27846248931048911712013-04-19T07:51:00.001-04:002013-04-19T07:51:30.024-04:00DO THE MARLINS STILL STINK?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIJ1RNxa6NxklA4aQyIfl9nwmd-aKPEzfoPBLKvdVQV4OgoZNZiRIYgYRlaXMWoS5ViUjp0xhyKXJhHtE2r8yfoMgHX7XafkDw802JDRBvrZDgkaLWJkF6-qtDDdBnbg96hrJmXUuDFkU/s1600/GCMSmisplaysabaseballbutistilllovehim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIJ1RNxa6NxklA4aQyIfl9nwmd-aKPEzfoPBLKvdVQV4OgoZNZiRIYgYRlaXMWoS5ViUjp0xhyKXJhHtE2r8yfoMgHX7XafkDw802JDRBvrZDgkaLWJkF6-qtDDdBnbg96hrJmXUuDFkU/s1600/GCMSmisplaysabaseballbutistilllovehim.jpg" /></a></div>
<a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/news/reds-beat-marlins-11-1-022347994--mlb.html">Yes.</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-36850939554471883382013-04-17T07:56:00.005-04:002013-04-17T07:58:01.494-04:00WHEREIN THE MARLINS SUCK EVEN WHEN WINNING 8-2<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh24whhwhnWZ-hpsgEI_6PiEVMYZyZMXm7ROoq84y2qPllNKc7NjJOzFob3jINIKlvr4Pt1sciAboVP_4rVtTkzbYVvvwYQui28DtTtwv8vhPeA-Tofpky0pBIPaJkA-O-4ITymOWnQ0h4/s1600/hechavarrwjdghwjgfvdjgfvjkwsghia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh24whhwhnWZ-hpsgEI_6PiEVMYZyZMXm7ROoq84y2qPllNKc7NjJOzFob3jINIKlvr4Pt1sciAboVP_4rVtTkzbYVvvwYQui28DtTtwv8vhPeA-Tofpky0pBIPaJkA-O-4ITymOWnQ0h4/s1600/hechavarrwjdghwjgfvdjgfvjkwsghia.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Rare photo of a Marlin not sucking</em></td></tr>
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Welcome to Victory Wednesday! We haven't had one of these yet, a mid-week victory party, so this is cool. Hopefully we can all move past yesterday's FanDuel post/advertisement experiment. I'll never do it again.*<br />
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Adeiny Hechavarria (whose name I continue to spell right on the first try—go me!) sure was pissed about my decision to post sponsored content on the blog, and he took it out on Dan Haren, launching his first homer of the season into the left field seats. Literally, into the seats, obviously, because OMG LOL NOBODY GOES TO MARLINS GAMES /shoots self.<br />
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The Marlins also got a double from Greg Dobbs, so that was nice.<br />
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But, of course, only the Marlins could record 8 runs on 11 hits and make you wanna stab yourself in the eye with a banana. No, seriously, I'm glad they finally found some offense, it's a wonderful thing, but 9 singles? NINE. SINGLES. CAN SOMEONE ON THIS TEAM DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN MAKE IT TO FIRST BASE AND STOP? ANYONE? OH MY GOD IT'S TORTURE. The Marlins got three hits out of the first four batters in the fifth inning... and still had ZERO runs. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!<br />
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Whatever, man. 8-2. Yay, Marlins!<br />
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God, I hope Jeffrey Loria falls in a sewer.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><em>*Statement may or may not be a lie</em></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-87645309237526327782013-04-16T12:10:00.001-04:002013-04-16T12:11:25.613-04:00THESE GUYS IN THE MINORS? THEY DON'T LOOK SO TERRIBLE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiOUywbuz0ZfUaCOgLrKT0cZOPYp1yoW_4A5BLDxNyos9e3qWP8nS7-fNxZ-0lyoR9IAq8FKjIYaeB8-cLv-4MymCFunmuItTzGclrcmn9RrNXCsZ5fsVQuSCr5xQFLsdAicEDLcZQiKM/s1600/christianyelich.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiOUywbuz0ZfUaCOgLrKT0cZOPYp1yoW_4A5BLDxNyos9e3qWP8nS7-fNxZ-0lyoR9IAq8FKjIYaeB8-cLv-4MymCFunmuItTzGclrcmn9RrNXCsZ5fsVQuSCr5xQFLsdAicEDLcZQiKM/s1600/christianyelich.jpg" /></a></div>
The baseball season is only two weeks old, but the Miami Marlins have already found a way to have the worst record in baseball. That’s what happens when you score 20 runs in your first 12 games. It appears as though hope can be found down on the farm this season though. Some have started their seasons, while others just had solid springs. Here’s a look at the future (that is, unless they are traded):
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong><u>Christian Yelich</u></strong></span><br />
The outfielder was so good in Spring Training that many felt he could play at the MLB level right now. However, since he has yet to play past High-A, it seems pointless to throw him to the wolves so early.
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Yelich dominated the Florida State League last year, and the left-handed bat seems to just be scratching the surface with his power numbers. At 6’4”, he can continue to fill out his frame and be a middle of the lineup type guy in the future at any outfield position.
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong></strong></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong><u>Justin Nicolino
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Top left-handed pitching prospect Justin Nicolino has had a rough pair of starts to start 2013, but anyone who looks at his past performance can see why the team is high on him. He has a career ERA that hovers around 2.25, and his poise has been praised by a lot of advanced scouts.<br />
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He doesn’t have that ace type stuff, but he could be a solid middle rotation pitcher down the road. Look for him to rapidly go through the minor leagues simply due to his maturity.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong><u>Jake Marisnick</u></strong></span><br />
Like Nicolino, the Marlins are hoping that Jake Marisnick also pans out well to at least kind of justify the deal with Toronto last November. The centerfielder made it to AA last season, and he has all the tools to be a solid player for years to come. He is still somewhat undisciplined though, especially against good offspeed stuff. If he can sort things out once he returns from injury (broken bone in his hand), he could be up late this season, or early next season and is one for <a href="https://www.fanduel.com/" ref="”https://www.fanduel.com/”">daily fantasy sports</a> players to keep an eye on.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-37054289306888421912013-04-16T08:11:00.001-04:002013-04-16T08:13:17.618-04:00MARLINS OFFENSIVE OUTBURST!!1!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfvEqfTl7uxjf-Pr4FQ1vVVIziQ1yPG5I7yaf-LYkWmZuckdg1_XMdRMB1_aal8zSMLoSK-8qcnejeHwn9IxoJ8mM_8blUFjFmwQRbjFTxgn6WhkA5tC84_RtgLD4-N5dLl8RHk3omcvk/s1600/solanocongratswesuck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfvEqfTl7uxjf-Pr4FQ1vVVIziQ1yPG5I7yaf-LYkWmZuckdg1_XMdRMB1_aal8zSMLoSK-8qcnejeHwn9IxoJ8mM_8blUFjFmwQRbjFTxgn6WhkA5tC84_RtgLD4-N5dLl8RHk3omcvk/s1600/solanocongratswesuck.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Three runs means we win, right?</td></tr>
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The Marlins scored 3 runs last night. HUZZAH!<br />
The Marlins gave up 10. Huzzah.<br />
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But, let's focus on the 3 for a minute, because numbers are fun.<br />
<ul>
<li>This was just the fourth time all season that the Marlins scored more than 2 runs.</li>
<li>And why can't they score? Probably because the Marlins have the second fewest hits in Major League Baseball.</li>
<li>But, that's not the only reason. The Marlins are also tied for second to last in doubles. And dead last in hits that are anything but singles.</li>
<li>In fact, 78% of Marlins hits end with a runner standing on first base, waiting for the next batter to ground into a double play.</li>
<li>But wait, there's more. There are currently three teams with more home runs—Colorado (21), Oakland (20), and Atlanta (20)—than the Marlins have extra base hits.</li>
<li>The Marlins, as a team, have an OBP of .274, lowest in the Majors. Yunel Escobar, who stinks, has an OBP of .351.</li>
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And I didn't even compare the Marlins offensive numbers to John Buck's. There's enough sadness in the world right now.<br />
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Ya know what? Forget it. Allow me to cheer you up...
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="378" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/zS1cLOIxsQ8" width="504"></iframe><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-15948159735444454342013-04-15T08:09:00.002-04:002013-04-15T08:09:36.851-04:00YOU WIN THIS ROUND, PENGUIN...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZesX5A9ORZmZq1oMIduGV_zWtlaHH9Jy6Cesc9f9T_xfvVmEXPs5pNFoCIcA8wusgfk6NE_hhOgmh7o9YPAiXF5jf_dSJPVxvTWPHpaaA44-89KiCmtjnXs8LScc7uxJCCiQC8tTzbiQ/s1600/scwsvzwrrd1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZesX5A9ORZmZq1oMIduGV_zWtlaHH9Jy6Cesc9f9T_xfvVmEXPs5pNFoCIcA8wusgfk6NE_hhOgmh7o9YPAiXF5jf_dSJPVxvTWPHpaaA44-89KiCmtjnXs8LScc7uxJCCiQC8tTzbiQ/s1600/scwsvzwrrd1.gif" /></a></div>
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The Marlins suck, so they scored 4 runs total this weekend. The Phillies suck slightly less, so they scored 6. <a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/news/win-no-200-halladay-phils-052237305--mlb.html" target="_blank">Roy Halladay got his 200th win</a>, so technically <a href="http://www.zoowithroy.com/" target="_blank">the penguin</a> won this round. But, really, we all lost.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-42140101619184416062013-04-12T07:59:00.002-04:002013-04-12T07:59:34.679-04:00SCWS vs ZWR FIGHT TO THE DEATH BUT NOT REALLY: ROUND IListen, here's the thing. Right now, the Marlins stink. The Phillies stink. GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON stinks. Roy Halladay stinks. But, you know what never stinks? Strip Club With Stanton [pats self on back]. And <a href="http://www.zoowithroy.com/" target="_blank">Zoo With Roy</a>, I suppose, too. So let us entertain you while you suffer through three games where it looks like neither team wants to win.<br />
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The first ZWR-SCWS matchup of the miserable 2013 season is tonight. Let's check it out.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Ricky Nolasco vs. John Lannan</strong></span><br />
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John Lannan didn't stink his first time out. Ricky Nolasco has been okay. That's all the analysis you're going to get here. Now, let's see who has tonight's edge. Here's Phillies pitcher John Lannan...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2YxqFsYmtVt-x_vLhHkojY0Jfn6FPoPpBiZ5LUi8R6Co5Ht1RIoZOizovz_CQSEFmDspcZzN5rwlpCfZvBxW2g8lI6jtAWEJbn_rQS459-oxPcYgPu_BrqyqZSPZPbwYc13CuzTGNCKI/s1600/lannan1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2YxqFsYmtVt-x_vLhHkojY0Jfn6FPoPpBiZ5LUi8R6Co5Ht1RIoZOizovz_CQSEFmDspcZzN5rwlpCfZvBxW2g8lI6jtAWEJbn_rQS459-oxPcYgPu_BrqyqZSPZPbwYc13CuzTGNCKI/s1600/lannan1.jpg" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUvw4q9baSKk6XIp4tFJZZlwVGML9BPTprOtguxA_InAcyypTHUHgDvyMGzk1_PHcessZsG0mQATytekWkHPj1fB7gb8fAJTgpMTN9meWuCy6UIfi_RT_0Jbeci0BI3iXXtZ0RNZ-ZWqU/s1600/lannan2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUvw4q9baSKk6XIp4tFJZZlwVGML9BPTprOtguxA_InAcyypTHUHgDvyMGzk1_PHcessZsG0mQATytekWkHPj1fB7gb8fAJTgpMTN9meWuCy6UIfi_RT_0Jbeci0BI3iXXtZ0RNZ-ZWqU/s1600/lannan2.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wait, is that what I look like?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggZ8G-OZLOh8L_epfdJJHb0iuuWf1dp0hDn-jBiQ5FhbxkUQFdGbOu7k2GaKtWm3hf4aCqCFCe7Ohwg8zeH69NhZjcxOgCsBOyS1D7s_S1fLMmXlq8IZN30-CLadskT0rRtXu6AScJW1o/s1600/lannan3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggZ8G-OZLOh8L_epfdJJHb0iuuWf1dp0hDn-jBiQ5FhbxkUQFdGbOu7k2GaKtWm3hf4aCqCFCe7Ohwg8zeH69NhZjcxOgCsBOyS1D7s_S1fLMmXlq8IZN30-CLadskT0rRtXu6AScJW1o/s1600/lannan3.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jesus...</td></tr>
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And here's Marlins pitcher-slash-vagina slayer Ricky Nolasco...</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiANo-wcSqnZ_zFX4L7Uf8p2YuDptowizO_jHtHKyZs2fyOr4ouwj0bnxuuChx_Y_vOMAb8m93fmfdvOMtbIsju2mYOppSs-U14K-EFuDkELhlTYarx3e0hvh48WZRlVIWLR-HDMEzwlXY/s1600/ricky1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiANo-wcSqnZ_zFX4L7Uf8p2YuDptowizO_jHtHKyZs2fyOr4ouwj0bnxuuChx_Y_vOMAb8m93fmfdvOMtbIsju2mYOppSs-U14K-EFuDkELhlTYarx3e0hvh48WZRlVIWLR-HDMEzwlXY/s1600/ricky1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm drunk.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcrk0Coo9Ty3E7j2p8UdeS7YhCBsRSXcOy16TUd4vK9w68yjkTlg4RH0hnL7efQ8AWhg56Y07fjvvAaqKjUWOfdRDF2rHhiEd0BpK5pSyaryES5sd6uC2Ao_C4iyq5O09M713WzJvWrYk/s1600/ricky2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcrk0Coo9Ty3E7j2p8UdeS7YhCBsRSXcOy16TUd4vK9w68yjkTlg4RH0hnL7efQ8AWhg56Y07fjvvAaqKjUWOfdRDF2rHhiEd0BpK5pSyaryES5sd6uC2Ao_C4iyq5O09M713WzJvWrYk/s1600/ricky2.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm so drunk.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB-H6j9-j_KHV3T-2kwPGI5gqKNH5FqvuTK8NtXjlZfeNpAOIRqs8dHQ2S7DQK1eZp1oPxuI_iB6GyflWwO-m8H7alPdsRm9KE6sgw8Xt_cSnd0QCHDgFFAQa68RPWTp0-lRRtI6AMNNM/s1600/ricky3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB-H6j9-j_KHV3T-2kwPGI5gqKNH5FqvuTK8NtXjlZfeNpAOIRqs8dHQ2S7DQK1eZp1oPxuI_iB6GyflWwO-m8H7alPdsRm9KE6sgw8Xt_cSnd0QCHDgFFAQa68RPWTp0-lRRtI6AMNNM/s1600/ricky3.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm really drunk.</td></tr>
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Advantage, Marlins.</div>
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Unfortunately...</div>
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Advantage Philliles. :(</div>
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No, but seriously, go check out <a href="http://www.zoowithroy.com/" target="_blank">Zoo With Roy</a> if you haven't already. Dude's funny.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-46780599163644447402013-04-11T08:03:00.000-04:002013-04-11T08:12:18.667-04:00FOR YOU ARE GREAT, AND DO WONDROUS THINGS; YOU ALONE ARE JOHN BUCK<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpSKpG3sm14W-0EACfAZkg1X2T_g4Clucedi2Q9LiJeS6yOCr1OWeOSKUuqlWzIAfbuEK9UeJsBj0_uN3pXd7CsMJ4qJnqXMuvJ585AxUqgJBq1KXySdAnL1cqAE8WnNNMbNPmQuoDPTA/s1600/jesusbuck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpSKpG3sm14W-0EACfAZkg1X2T_g4Clucedi2Q9LiJeS6yOCr1OWeOSKUuqlWzIAfbuEK9UeJsBj0_uN3pXd7CsMJ4qJnqXMuvJ585AxUqgJBq1KXySdAnL1cqAE8WnNNMbNPmQuoDPTA/s1600/jesusbuck.jpg" /></a></div>
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I'm just gonna leave this here. No real thoughts or nothin'. Just our Lord and Savior, Johnus Buchrist, reaching out a helping hand to somejuan in need.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8277584647893225957.post-62749262551590953982013-04-10T07:33:00.004-04:002013-04-10T07:34:59.857-04:00THE MARLINS ARE LOSERS, BUT YOU COULD BE A WINNER WITH THESE T-SHIRTS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://stripclubwithstanton.spreadshirt.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit8GNyT9jy5SYc0cYCGyPNfsxZ1-f2pcela_elUm_gaxB-ruPSxQzPPp3Ul6oGddmzxgsnPZRBC9I4hiWLbxHEOkcUcYYKijXHuqY2BleOMT34IwfAuq7fnoyduWHUq1xjF4OUz_NPqnY/s1600/scwst-shirts.jpg" /></a></div>
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As this season spirals down the toilet, it becomes increasingly clear that there are only two things to care about this year: Hating Jeffrey Loria and loving GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON. And what better way to do that than with a<a href="http://stripclubwithstanton.spreadshirt.com/" target="_blank"> "GIANCARLO MURDERS BASEBALLS / JEFFREY LORIA MURDERS BASEBALL"</a> t-shirt? Yeah, I know, I can't think of one either.<br />
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Also, instead of wallowing in your Marlins misery, you could be jumping on the Heat bandwagon with this wonderful <a href="http://stripclubwithstanton.spreadshirt.com/" target="_blank">LEBRON JAMES TROLLFACE t-shirt!</a> What's the LeBron trollface, you ask?<a href="http://i49.tinypic.com/w98txy.jpg" target="_blank"> Just a little something that he does from time to time</a> during interviews that he may or may not have learned about from this t-shirt. Yup. LeBron reads SCWS. Because he's awesome. BOOM!<br />
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So, go get yours. Especially the GIANCARLO one. Dude looks mighty depressed out there. Let's show him that we still care.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">[<strong><a href="http://stripclubwithstanton.spreadshirt.com/" target="_blank">SCWS T-shirt Shoppe</a></strong>]</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1